Prologue for December
Frozen
Disney magic is back and this time it’s cold as hell! When
one of two slightly Asian looking chicks runs from her responsibilities to hide
it is left to her sister to find and rescue her. And the world or something.
With only the aid of a woodsman type character with excellent skin and a
perfectly animated six pack, she must travel the land and talk to snowmen.
Looks good. Looks Disney. I don’t think the snowman character is even
pretending to be a black guy so that’s a plus one to reputation if you ask me!
Homefront
Jason Statham declares war on the Confederacy after they
threaten his little girl. Enter James Franco as local crazy guy with tattoos to
declare war on our protagonist. I’m sure Statham is ex Special Forces or
something and will have access to large amounts of weapons and explosives.
Which always make me wonder; if I was going into hiding would I like lots of
guns or just one gun with lots of ammo? Does the extra weight of multiple weapons
cancel out the time wasted in reloading? Anyway, it’s also got Winona Ryder and
Biff from “Back to the Future”. Looks quite grim. Let’s hope they pull it off!
The Desolation of Smaug
It’s the movie sequel everyone is Tolkien about! Our Dwarven
singing chorus are almost at their destination. But first they must fight loads
of giant spiders (dam you Tolkien! Dam you to hell!!!) And meet up with Legolas
and hot female elf No.2. But who am I kidding? You show me one ugly female elf
and I will show you the way to Isengard. Anyhow, cut to lots of elves killing
bad guys and dwarves in barrels. Gandalf get to explore an evil castle with
Randagast the Brown and Benedict Cummerbund camps it up as Smug the dragon.
This flying lizard is massive! Bilbo has a magic ring, but he really needs a Jaeger!
Anchorman 2
Get ready for some high octane moustachioed mayhem! I don’t think
Will Ferrell can mess this up. Could anyone mess this up? After the success of
the first film the formula is easy – just make the first movie again! Looks
like that’s what they’ve done! I am officially going on record as saying this
movie is a choke hazard. From the trailer alone it looks like all the old cast
are back and are just as two dimensional. Which I love. “Guilty pleasure” and “unashamed”
are surely going to be used to describe this movie. I don’t care. Bring on the
fun bags!
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Wasn’t this an old British comedy show? Anyhow, Ben Stiller
is directing and starring as the title character. He zones out and lives in a
fantasy world. Plot happens and forces him to go out into the real world and
have some adventures. I think that’s about it. Like, literally. If Stiller is
trying to reinvent himself, maybe “Mitty” is the movie to do it but so far I’m
not convinced. Playing epic music during the trailer and showing sweeping panoramas
feel like a smoke screen. But it could be good. I mean they wouldn’t splash
money on promoting a bad film right? Right?
47 Ronin
A fantastic Japanese legend/true story gets the CGI
treatment. When medieval Japan gets taken over by daemons and monsters only 46
unemployed soldiers can save the country. But first these Japanese warriors
fighting for the future of Japan in a Japanese legend need one thing to succeed
– a white man. Enter Keanu Reeves with
a katana. But who am I kidding? This looks ace! Just the idea of Samurai
fighting off the rejected CGI monsters from Lucasfilms is enough to get me
excited. Banzai! And it’s got that hot chick from “Pacific Rim”! Bonsai!
Which of these films will you be checking out this December?
There are other
films release this December plus loads more in January. What are you looking
forward to or wish I had covered here? Leave you message in the comments!
I will most likely watch all of them except for Hobbit. I am not spoiling the book any more than I did already by watching the first part. Anchorman is a definite must. Frozen in spirit of Christmas will be watched too. 47 Ronin looks great, I am hoping the CGI is not the main focus, I would love a good story too!
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