Review of "A Million Ways to Die in the West"

Warning! Contains spoilers!

I am in no way expecting a classic Western. From the trailer it becomes apparent that the American Old West will be the vehicle by which Seth MacFarlane gets to run over our funny bones with his singular disjointed humour. Frankly, I was looking forward to it. “Ted” was a pleasant surprise and I’m a big fan of Family Guy. My chums and I talked excitedly about if any of the jokes from the trailer would make it to the film (an increasingly common occurrence) when my expectation transformed to concern. We were only treated to two advertisements from movies that seemed to not be aimed at any specific demographic. When you expect a picture to do well it is common to nail as many trailers as possible to its intro… Showtime!

Only one sheep was used during the film. The rest were added later with computer graphics. This cost $15 million

Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane) is a sheep farmer from the Old West.  While sporting a very modern perspective on life, he meanders through his mortal coil avoiding the many (nowhere near a million) ways that the Frontier tries to kill him. After sensibly wimping out of a gun fight, his girlfriend (Amanda Seyfried) dumps him. Broken hearted, he sets his eyes on a new life on the West Coast. In walks Anna (Charlize Theron), who moves to town and the two bond after avoiding a suitably brutal and stereotypical saloon fight. Desperate to win back his girlfriend, he challenges her new lover (Neil Patrick Harris) to a gun fight. During a suitably cheerful montage he is taught to shoot by the mysterious Anna where Albert slowly begins to see just how perfect they would be together. Unfortunately she is actually married to the local gun nut, Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), an outlaw who is so badass he doesn’t even try to use an American accent. Now Albert must put the pro in protagonist, defeat the bad guy and win the girl. Which he does. Roll the credits with inevitable extra scene.

That look of “any minute he’s going to ask me to do the voices. Sigh.”

“Do some funny voices!” scream countless talk show hosts to a wide smiling MacFarlane on his promotion trail. Naturally he did what he knows and obliged them. MacFarlane knows this will get the laughs so who can criticise him for making a movie the same way he makes an animated TV show? And I mean make. Not content with voicing a liberal dog or neurotic baby, MacFarlane has written, directed, produced and stared in ‘A Million Ways to Die in the West.’ Union pressure probably stopped him from making the sandwiches as well. Rather than this being the next step in his comedy vocation, ‘Million Ways’ is a full movie and as such is actually the first step into uncharted fart jokes territory. “Make us laugh, funny man!” the ethereal popcorn coated mouth of future movie goers called. Naturally he did what he knows and obliged them.

“I am Seth MacFarlane. You killed my liver. Prepare to die!”

This film is a comedy. It should make me laugh. And it does. How much? About averagely. Not a great recommendation strait off the bat. Let me explain. Imagine if you will a scale of funny that ranges from lung crushing, bowl loosening, eye watering funny all the way to Holocaust multiplied by 9/11 not funny. Well, ‘Million Ways’ doesn’t fall anywhere on that scale. But each of its jokes do. I’m not saying that a comedy can have different level of success with its gags but the inconsistency of laugh a minute to slight snigger to blank face in ‘Million Ways’ is astounding. I sat dead centre front for this viewing and was treated to a comedy surround sound. Different sections of the audience laughed at different gags. Any anal jokes were well received by the lads behind me, sexual innuendo drew giggles from the group far at the back and falling over things gained many a  cackle from the twenty something’s on my right. A MacFarlane in-joke regarding Milla Kunis rippled through the audience like every third chair had been programed to suddenly shock the occupier’s genitals. The comedy was just all over the place. ‘Million Ways’ looks like it had no intention of having a humour tone as it tries to please everyone. There are funny bits but average is the only way to describe the whole experience. 

NPH was the only character to provide his own costume.

Seth MacFarlane plays a farmer called Albert. But one gets the impression that actually MacFarlane is playing MacFarlane in the 1880’s. This is completely forgivable because despite the above he does have a great camera presence and the gumption to act as hard as possible without making it look hard. If his wise cracking sheep herder doesn’t entice you over then the rest of the cast probably will. MacFarlane is probably a charismatic character with great vision and a salesman’s silver tongue. But I like to think he has Watergate style black mail skills hidden up his farm boy sleeve. How else could he get such a cast? Charlize Theron is fantastic. We see a character grow throughout the story and a hard frontiers woman who still knows how to emote when appropriate. Neeson has a lot of fun with his outlaw, Clinch Leatherwood. I would be afraid to call the character fleshed out. Rather he stands rigged like a titanium road sign. Two dimensional bad guy was what his contract said and he nails it. Neil Patrick Harris rocks it out as gentleman owner of the town’s moustachary. Albert also gets to call upon the support of (handily) the supporting cast of best buddy Edward (Giovanni Ribisi) and his hard working girlfriend Ruth (Sarah Silverman). Both are good fun and harmless. Garnish the whole thing with cameos from bandwagon jumpers such as Bill Maher, Ewan McGregor, Ryan Reynolds, Patrick Stewart and Jamie Foxx et al.   Like I said, it’s a great cast who work their raw hide butts off with the material they have.

This shot took three days with a green screen

I wanted to like “A Million Ways to Die in the West” but I just couldn’t see past its inconsistent humour. Feel good story and great acting are all well and fine but I came here to laugh until it hurts and maybe a bit of wee comes out. Once again I’m not saying that it isn’t funny and that you won’t have a laugh but it’s so all over the place that it denied me the chance to immerse into the story. Without that magic lots of little holes start to appear. Why is the film so long? Was it necessary to tack Native Americans onto the end of the film out of some obsessive compulsive need to showcase the entire frontier stereotype? I wouldn’t be asking this if I was rolling on the floor! But I refuse to pan it into oblivion. The frontier was settled by hardy folk who stubbornly persisted despite their surroundings. In that way ‘Million Ways’ is more of a Western homage than I think was intended. Its hard going, but you might just find enough nuggets to make it worthwhile. 

When someone orders a Hemingway Daiquirí during the FA Cup final

I give ‘A Million Ways to Die in the West’ two Brian faces out of five.