Review of “Guardians of the Galaxy”

Warning! Contains spoilers!

Welcome to the next big budget Marvel release designed to empty our wallets and overpower our senses with more special effects than a Bronze Age river god. Frankly, I knew precious little about “Guardians” going in. That’s not to say I wasn’t excited. Talk about marketing! I didn’t know I wanted a Groot in my life but now I do. This gushing excitement all stemmed from the trailer. It was fun. Fun! Let’s hope it all comes together in a sci-fi extravaganza… Showtime!

Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) had a pretty standard upbringing. After the death of his mother in America he is kidnapped by alien pirates who give up on transporting him to his extra-terrestrial dad and instead raise him as one of their own. For reasons. Now a full blown corsair, he has skipped out on his band of merry cut throats to strike it rich. His first big score is a mystical orb that someone, somewhere is prepared to spend a lot of space bucks to obtain. Turns out the orb is massively important to a purple skinned space Satan. He sends his disenfranchised terrorist buddy to go and get it. Soon out of his depth and in space prison, Quill must unite a group of disparate rogues to escape, sell the orb and get rich. Until the sphere turns out to be one of the galaxies most deadly mega weapons. Now Quill and his new chums must work together so that they can GUARD the GALAXY from the evil orb wielding scoundrel. 

‘Galaxy’ is a none stop train ride through an exploding paint factory. We must remember to keep our eyes on the end goal (enjoying ourselves) rather than looking out the window and trying to focus on the spinning detail. It does a lot and simply won’t give the audience time to digest. There is no jumping off this train – why should we? We have five primary heroes (one doesn’t speak much) all of which we need to care about and cheer for. From Pratt’s half Han Solo, half Bart Simpson protagonist to Dave Bautista’s philosophising Drax the basically-a-pro-wrestler Destroyer, each fills a handy adventuring stereotype. We also have three baddies to likewise introduce and a pirate captain in desperate need of agency. Its brisk work but the story gets it done. Just about. It’s almost fairy tailish. The characters might be thin but so is an After Eight and these characters are equally as delicious. 

The fun train doesn’t stop with a twee cast. The galaxy that requires guarding is a suitably operatic space setting. Sci-Fi can be fall too much towards the science rather than the fiction. ‘Guardians’ grabs fiction by the balls while seemingly smothering science with a plumb Dungeons and Dragons pillow case. It’s a great aesthetic that matches the grandeur of Thor’s Asgard. Memorable moments include flying into a massive alien head floating in space that is currently being stripped mined for all its lovely expensive head goo. The prison break was fantastic PG fun, although I spent most of the action trying to figure out how a prosthetic leg was going to become essential to the escape.  Life lesson 84 – never trust a racoon. Benicio Del Toro reprises his role as ‘The Collector’, a creepy amasser of rare bits and bobs. It’s self-evident that he was given free rein to explore and enjoy his time on camera and we the audience whole heartedly benefit. I hope in a future Marvel endeavour we get to hear him say “I simply must have this vintage Dinky car” on an episode of the Antiques Roadshow. It’s all popcorn chomping stuff.

"Simples!"

“Guardians of the Galaxy” put all of its money on fun and came home with the loot. It’s just great fun. When it stops to make you laugh it manages this without patronising the audience or by being self-deprecating. The perspective shifts between each character equally during the action scenes in a genuine attempt to equalise the perils and successes of our newly beloved heroes. All this comes together to leave one feeling a sense of sincere story telling rather than as a sinister screen promotion for Guardian’s merchandise. If anything, I left the screening with greater respect for Marvels comic book successes. Take note, Avengers 2 – the bar has been raised.

 “Guardians of the Galaxy” gets a solid four Brian faces out of five. Enjoy with a group of friends and then immediately reminisce in a jolly local drinking establishment.

Review of “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”

Warning! Contains Spoilers!

This is the sequel to the movie that revamped the Planet of the Apes franchise but without the future setting or Statue of Liberty. But it’s got Gary Oldman and that guy who played Gollum! Showtime!

The monkey virus has all but wiped out the human race. Apes have begun showing the early signs of culture in a way that would give a National Geographic photographer a coronary. It’s an idyllic existence of tree swinging and banana tossing. All that is thrown up in the air when (surprise, surprise) humans stumble through the woods looking for a hydroelectric plant located deep in apeland. Humans must have this power source or the attempt to rebuild civilisation will fail. The magnanimous apes agree but only to avoid conflict. Because ape culture is perfect. They do not need power. In fact they need nothing at all from humans. Except antibiotics. And guns. And knowledge. And a unifying enemy. Basically, if the Americans and the Arabs could trust each other and work together, then both groups could coexist to their mutual benefit. I mean Ape and Human. Anyhow, it all goes tits up and we get a war on our hands.

 

This is a summer blockbuster so it contains a fourth of July’s worth of special effects. Andy Serkis rocks it out as Caesar (king ape) and we can connect far more with his group than we could with those blue skinned Avatar monkeys. The ape’s behaviour is alien and at the same time so similar to ours that I had to word this sentence several times because it felt racist even though it was regarding animals. I don’t want to start any monkey hate crimes. There is enough of that in the movie. When battle begins it is on an epic scale! There was enough firepower unleashed in the ape attack on castle humanity to overwhelm a small country. So many guns. Where did the apes get so many weapons? That’s easy. The film is set in a post-apocalyptic America were society has broken into anarchy during a virulent plague. Where did they get the weapons? They picked them off the floor because ‘Merica! Armoury aside, the film is visual beautiful. You will be under no doubt that this is the ruins of San Francisco and monkeys can pull of some intimidating war paint. Great success!

There are many stand out moments to choose from. ‘The battle’ holds up for pure action. At one point Koba (Toby Kebbell) leads the manic monkeys on a banzai charge. During the inevitable recreation of the Somme, Koba rides a horse headlong into machinegun fire while firing a gun in both hands. We have all had epic moments like that! Fuck ye! At one point the apes loyal to Caesar are held prisoner in an old school bus. Taking their lead from the cool as hell Maurice (Karin Konoval), a Bornean orangutan, they grab their gaolers through the bus windows.  Sitting in the audience I was expecting some neck snapping, gun stealing and gaol busting. But no – they just hold onto them through the windows. And slowly start to rock the bus from side to side. The captured guard apes realised what was coming next about the same time as myself. Having a bus role onto half a dozen baddies quickly crushed the high morals of “Ape not kill ape”.

Despite lavish millions being spent on computer graphics plus fantastic casting for all the major parts I have to give my top marks to the story. The message is simple but is told bloody well. “Dawn” plainly shows how different cultures clash due to misunderstanding and mistrust. In such an environment it is effortless (some might say inevitable) for a small group of extremists (on both sides) to create conflict. Good willed and peace loving individuals are pulled along by events and are unable to stop the avalanche of hate and violence.  This film could have been the Crusades, the Western Front or the Cuban missile crisis. Now I think of it, all of those movies have been made but without the essential ape element. Monkey President Kennedy would be soooo cool! (Tangent over)

“Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” is a blast and well worth a viewing. It only suffers from a slightly too long running time. It is also quite new viewer friendly – seeing the original is not a necessity. Probably not the best movie for a first date.

I give “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” four Brian faces out of five.

Review of “3 Days to Kill”

Warning! Contains Spoilers

Most modern film promotion approaches the intensity of water boarding. It’s nice to have a little change every now and again. Take “3 Days to Kill”. A trailer appeared on screen many months ago. “That looks ok” I said. Since then nothing. Suddenly a friend reminds me that it is out. There are worse things to do on a Monday. Show time!

Ethen Renner (Kevin Costner) is a badass old school CIA killer. He must wrestle with the need to stop terrorist acquiring nuclear material while at the same time calling his daughter (Hailee Steinfeld) to wish her a happy birthday.  Thankfully the later saves his life and allows him to complete the former. However, before he can apprehend the baddy, our American hero is struck down and loses consciousness due to an unforeseen force. Cancer. Brain cancer to be precise. He has three months to live. Renner retires from his cloak and dagger life to try and reconnect with his long lost family before THE END. His wife (Connie Nielsen) is wary, his daughter is (of course) an angst teenager and squatters have moved into his Parisian flat. In walks badass new school CIA killer Vivi (Amber Heard). She has a possible cure and loads of cash if only Costner will go back to his killing ways. Now Renner must balance hunting down his prey while trying to mend his home life. This occurs with preposterous results.

One man vs. two armoured cars full of bad guys. Who wins? Did I mention the one guy was an American?

Cards on the table – this was a pleasant surprise. McG (I shit you not this is the director’s name) has managed something with a story that shouldn’t really work. And I just know most people will not agree. In cooking you have to always come back to flavour. When making a film you must always come back to tone. No chef wants to actually mix cheese and chocolate and no director wants to figuratively do the same. Some things just don’t work so you leave them out or create a great big mess in the attempt. “3 Days to Kill” tries to mix family drama, a slick spy thriller, gun waving action, redemption for previous sins, vengeance and a bit of almost Marx brothers style humour. All these elements are poured into the blender and the switch is flipped. It’s at this point that I came under its magic spell. “3 Days to Kill” is so smooth with its jarring elements (almost nonchalant) that it doesn’t even try to make them work. The audience must simply accept the absurdity and move on. It does this without being at all condescending. This movie must have been created by mates sitting round a table, drinking a few beers.  

Vivi in full bitch mode

How absurd? At one point Costner must drag a kidnapped banker back to his home to interrogate him. This is only slightly inconvenienced by the West African family that now live in his flat, forcing him to conduct his cross examination in the privacy of the bathroom. Moments from unleashing precise violence upon the banker, he receives a call from his daughter who is desperate for a spaghetti sauce recipe to impress her boyfriend. One the one hand out hero must interrogate the bad guy but he is desperate to connect with his daughter. By which point he realises that his soon to be victim is Italian… It’s all as ridiculous as dark chocolate ravioli but oh how I chortled!

Silly purple bike or metaphor for a father’s attempt to connect with his daughter. You choose.

Costner is usually garnished with criticism for playing douchebags or stoic hero type douchebags. I must say it is refreshing to see he can still pull of some slick action scenes. “3 Days to Kill” has some of that gritty euro/spy thriller type action that manages to be less dark than “Ronin” and less outlandish than any Bond. However, I have credit for the family story arch. I found the whole thing rather down to earth. The right mix of cliché and genuine exasperation that every household must deal with. It’s all rather heart warningly late evening drama on the TV than action movie sub plot. Amber Heard adds some spice to this mix. Her character is introduced as an All American office clone (CIA officer worker that is) but there must be something in the water on Virgin Atlantic flights because in Paris she really blows the budget. Vivi comes across as a dominatrix spy master. Her wardrobe and wig collection would put “The Matrix” to shame. Renner’s meetings with her are so surreal that one wonders if they are a cancer hallucination or if she is actually playing the Devil, come to tempt our home healing hero. Good stuff.

The Devil or rogue agent?

That’s about all there is to say regarding “3 Days to Kill”. I found it charming but not self-indulgent. It worked for me. I hope you like it too. Chew it over and see what you think.

I give “3 Days to Kill” a very solid (and I’m sure controversial) four Brian faces out of five.