Review of 47 Ronin

Spoiler Alert!

Life rule thirty one – Samurai are cool. While I would not call myself a Japanophile I have always enjoyed the visuals of Samurai warriors. This stems from a health exposure of ‘Legend of the Five Rings’ art work and my boyish love of all things colourful that can kill. The trailer for “47 Ronin” left me intrigued plus more than a little excited. I was vaguely familiar with the legend/true story of the 47 Ronin (or 47 Samurai in some telling’s). What got my katana in a twist was the blatant mix of story and fantasy. Big monsters? Magic ninjas? Super-hot sorceresses? Keanu Reeves? You sir, have sold yourself a cinema ticket! Showtime!

 

Samurai not appearing in this film.

Like all orphaned mixed race babies left to die in medieval Japan, Kai (Keanu Reeves) is taken in by magic sword making super killers and trained as one of their own. Realising that his masters are no more than Japanese hillbillies, he runs for his life and is adopted by the local Samurai lord as a kind of weird pet/slave combo. He falls madly in love with Mika (Kou Shibasaki) the daughter of said lord. They can do nothing about this because Japan. While hosting a tournament to entertain the current dictator, our friendly lord (Min Tanaka) is dishonoured after a rival uses a sexy witch (Rinko Kikuchi) to make him go crazy. Humiliated in front of his master, he must kill himself with a knife because Japan. His soldiers are forbidden to exact vengeance on anyone they perceive to be responsible. However, as Mika is spirited away to marry the baddy, Oishi (Hiroyuki Sanada) reunites the disgraced Samurai (known as Ronin) to go and kill the dude in his castle. To be successful they first need a white man to join the group. With Keanu back in line the adventure begins. Our heroes set off to avenge their lord. They avenge their lord. As a token of his respect for their actions, the dictator lets them all kill themselves with knives. This is a happy ending. Because Japan. 

Upon leaving the theatre I went over to a beer garden and knelt. Taking out my phone, I scrolled to the tweet I had just written about the movie and placed it down by my side. I lifted my shirt and disembowelled myself with my cinema loyalty card. Before I could cry out, my friend brought a two day old stale French stick striking down, breaking my neck. It was a good death.

Not really. But I was dam close!

How? How can you take a movie with so many positive elements and make it so dull? How? That is the magic question. I have not a single problem with the acting (even Keanu!). Let’s face it; the story is set in a society that does not look kindly on emotional outbursts or open signs of passion or sensitivity. If anything, Mr Reeves was built for this part! The rest of the cast? Min Tanaka looks like she had an absolute ball playing the evil witch. Able to camp the role up to the max, she struts around the set like a pompous cat (or is that just cat?). As her character is inexcusably fantastical, when she does interact with the protocol of medieval Japan, we can see a little sense of boredom in all of her actions like a child forced to sit through a church service. Good stuff. The rest? They do a great job. Seriously, the acting is pretty good. Special mention to Hiroyuki Sanada as the determined Ronin leader and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as the stone faced Shogun. In fact, so much of the cast are well known names in Japan. Many are considered A list celebrities. What a shame they will have this on their conscience.

 

So what’s my problem? “47 Ronin” says as much about Japanese culture as “A Knights Tale” says about medieval Europe. The difference? At least “A Knights Tale” had some bloody fun! We have fantastic actors, amazing special effects and stunts combined with a script that is a western caricature of Samurai society. I don’t want to compare movies with each other but in “Seven Samurai” our heroes are all Japanese warriors but they are also people. We can identify with them while enjoying the toe dipping sensation of emersion in another culture. There is the crux of the review. “47 Ronin” feels long and boring with lengthy segments of talking between the few actions scenes. I cannot identify with any of these characters because they are not real. Rather than treating me to complicated and interesting characters I was instead inadvertently invited to an ‘Emotion Duck Hunt.’ How does that work? Basically you sit for thirty minutes getting slowly board until finally you desperately start to look for any reason to identify with your protagonists. If you see an emotion on screen you want to shout it out like gunning down a duck from the classic video game. “Regret! Ambition! Confusion! Sadness! Lust!” It’s that sad. 

Best big? The assault on castle Kira. Specifically prelude to the attack as the vengeful samurai get into position. Clever angles, great camera cutting and cool action make this great viewing. Essentially the heroes are getting into position why their target is enjoying a circus performance. They must silently take out the guards as they work their way towards him. There is a slowly building sense of tension that I could not help but get caught up on. Good stuff.

 

The lovely Min Tanaka. Also known as 'that chick from Pacific Rim'

It sounds like I have panned “47 Ronin”. I kind of have. This might stem from my high expectations rather than the movie itself. There are some fun bits. It does have fight scenes and it is very pretty. Perfect background material when your mates are over.

I hereby award “47 Ronin” two out of five Brian faces. Get your haiku ready. That said, 'Life rule 31' still stands unbroken!